Love

I've been listening to Joyce Meyer and she's is an awesome speaker. Last night I was listening to her "What is true love" series and it just amazed me. One thing that really clicked to me was how she answered the age old question of "well if God was real why doesn't he just solve all the world's problems"? She said and I'm summarizing is that God works through us, we are his people.  It is our duty to love one another and fulfill God's will.  If we want to see a change, we need to get our hands dirty and show love to one another.  Love isn't just about feelings and words but about action too. Loving your neighbor is helping them when they are in need. Lifting them up when they are done. Don't just preach to them when they are going through situations but sit down and actually listen. Love is so important because if you don't have love then everything you do is of waste. I know its really hard to love some people and I have a hard time forgiving.  I've just learned to move on but never really forgive nor forget. In this journey with Christ, I want to learn to forgive and forget and to just love everyone just as he as loved me.

My Body is God's Temple

I've heard many preachers, preach about not corrupting God's temple. For example, I often hear them talking about re-marital sex, tattoos, drugs and alcohol.. but not very much on fitness. Like exercise and eating healthy. I talked to my mom about that today, and she said your outer appearance shouldn't matter, and you shouldn't pursue the need of the flesh. I understand where she is coming, meaning not to be vain and selfishness but that's not the point I was getting at. I meant that God gave us this temple and we are made in his appearance, shouldn't we take care of it health wise? I mean i told her that I felt very unflattering because I was over weight and I wanted to lose some pounds. I mean, God didn't make me this way, I let myself lose control over my eating habits. It's just so hard to talk to my mom about certain things, She just takes things sometimes out of context. But, anyways.. I believe that will God's help I can get in better shape and be healthy. Prayer is the answer to everything.

I hate it

I hate it when I lose focus and let the devils lies into my head. These past 2 days I have been reflecting because I fell again. Its so hard, I'm really disappointed in myself.  I'm embarrassed to pray to God but I know I have to because without prayers I'll be drifting further away from him.

Be Slow To Anger..

The bible teaches us to be patience and be slow to anger. To resist temptation by loving and showing love to others. Sometimes, I forget and I slip up. Oops I know! Today in class, one of my IA made me really mad and even though i might've kept quiet, I thought of really mean things. And, I know that God didn't like that because afterwards I felt terrible about it. satan comes to us in many shapes and forms, and in my case anger. I get mad easily and quick to open my mouth. I need to learn how to think before speaking and being slow to anger. I need to use my mouth not to bash others but to always praise God. This will be on of my main focus as I keep walking down my path with God.

GCU's Prayer Chapel

Feelings

Before I tell you about last night, I just have to say that our God is sooo goood! I caught my self laughing and smiling as I was reading his words. I mean he is so awesome. Also while reading the bible, I couldn't believe that people at that time didn't believe that he was truly the Messiah. Like how can you not have known, all the miracles, all of the parables. But I guess the couldn't see the light because they were blind with darkness. Like Jesus said in the bible, They were the children of the devil that's why they couldn't see or hear him. Okay back to last night, So these past couples of month.. I have been really frustrated at my self for not "feeling" God's presence or the Holy Spirit when i was praying or worshiping him. Last at night I went to a kind of praise and worship service here at my school called "The Gathering". There God spoke to me and told me to not to rely on feelings but to trust and have faith in him. I realized that those frustrations or feelings were of the devil, putting doubts in my head to get me to stop praying. He wanted me to just give up simply because I wasn't "feeling" anything. Instead my God told me to keep praying, to push harder because that was the way to defeat the evil one. To keep praying and believing. So my question is how many of you have these kinds of "feelings"?

Past Past Go Away

It seems to me that every time someone decides to live their life solely for Christ, satan loves to veer them off their path. He brings in different situations to make you forget but instead worry and be in dismay. I myself, am going through this stage. It's rather difficult, and is really annoying to be side-tracked. Last night someone who I'd rather forget, decided to try to step back into my life. Honestly, if it was my old self, I would've given him that chance. But being burned too many times, has given me some sort of a "thick skin". Still, thoughts run through my head, distracting me. I really hate it, I hate feeling disconnected. I prayed about it and I know that I need to continue on praying until this issue is resolved. Anyways just expressing my feelings and frustrations.

Abusing Jesus

Today I was continuing my reading of the Book of John when I stumbled on the story of the wedding in Cane. The one story where Jesus performed one of his first miracle and turned water in wine. One verse that caught my eyes was John 2:11 " This miraculous sign at Cana in Galilee was the first time Jesus revealed his glory. And his disciples believed in him." This verse made me think of all the times, we demanded God to perform some sort of miracle to reinforce our beliefs. Asking God to give proof of his existence whenever we begin to lose faith. Personally I admit that, there have been a lot of times where I just expect God to give me something just because I asked for it. Only calling out to him when I needed him and giving him nothing in return. As humans, we are the most selfish creatures on earth. We only call out to God when we need something or when something isn't going right. Its sad but it is so true. Everyday, every minute, every hour, we abuse Jesus. We take him for granted knowing that he will always love us regardless. So what can we, I do better to improve this? To stop thinking of my needs first? Well personally, I need to live my life for him only. To spend every waking moment glorifying his name. Saying it is easy but doing it is another thing.

Pray For Me

I came into this school with such a strong mindset. I had planned out how I was going to live my life for Christ and how I would strengthen my relationship with him so I can help others. Little did I know that, I was going to fall back in this deep. Everything about me feels fake, my life, my words, my identity. I know that i am not being true to my self. That I am back in the same cycle again, battling, trying to find my way out once again. I thought that God wanted me to be a youth minister, to help kids and young adults. But i am not so sure anymore, I feel leaning towards missions right now. But am I only doing this to find an excuse but who am I to question God. It's so hard, but I am glad I have positive and Godly people in my life helping me. I thank God that these friends have not abandoned me as other have. But, I have in a situation where I do not know where to go from here. Due to financial instabilities and personal conflicts, I do not know if I am meant to stay here or move on. I do believe that I was sent here for a reason, maybe to reveal that I wasn't that strong in my faith and that I am not ready yet to help lead others.  Maybe that this was a learning experience so I can do better next time? I just ask that each one of you who is taking the time to read this, to pray for me. I need as much prayers as I can get. Thank You!

Thoughts..

It's been a while since I have actually picked up a bible and started reading it seriously. I decided that today would be my first day doing it. I decided to start off by reading John , and so far I have read up until the end of the 1st chapter. It's hard for me honestly because I don't know what to do . I want to be like others who read it and is able to just ask the right questions. As for me, I don't know what to ask or how to look at it. My mother always said "when reading the bible, think of ways how to apply it to yourself.." I've tried doing that but, it isn't easy. But i wont give up, I'll keep trying. I won't let satan ruin my journey with God.  I have been so far from Christ and his teachings. I have been doing complete opposite of what he is about. I am a liar and a thief. My mouth declares his name but my heart is not. My lifestyle does not follow what my mouth preaches. My head knows better but my heart isn't pure. I am not the same person i was coming in. I have changed for the worse. I want to stop being a hypocrite, I want to stop saying God's name in vain. I want to be a better person, a person who is bent on living their life solely for God. These past couple of weeks, I've been so preoccupied with body image and earthly beauties. In fact, I've been so obsessed with plastic surgery and changing my look to better myself for selfish reasons. Also, money has come up in my life. I get jealous seeing what others have. I want things that others have, I just realized that I broke another commandment. I want what does not belong to me. Everything feels like a lie, my life, my heart, my words. I do not know what to do, I pray but I feel nothing. I want to be able to once again feel the Holy Spirit and God's presence in my life again. when i worship, I want to feel the tinglings of God's presence. I want to be able to speak in tongues like others. I want to experience what they have. I want to have a strong relationship with God. I just feel so lonely and lost. But I can't give up just because of my "feelings". I'll strive and live better. To put God first in my life, and serve him whole heartedly. I refuse to sink.

To put Christ first in my life

One thing that is important to a healthy relationship is to have Christ in your foundations. One cannot learn to love each other fully without loving God first. I am in a stage of my life where, I need to put God first in my life. Instead of looking at guys to fill my empty heart, I need to look at the one truth love. The one love fulfilling enough to keep me happy my entire life. The love of Christ! Only Christ's love could ever fill me up, only his love could make me happy forever. I am ready to begin my journey on putting God first in my life. To follow him truthfully and whole-heartedly, I can no longer deny his love for me. This is why I vow to stay single until God has decided that I am ready to love another. I am excited and anxious about this journey, But I just ask that who ever is reading this will pray for me. Thank You!

Day #1

Today, I decided to start this blog as a way to help me in my walk with Christ. I have been in and out of bad relationships through out my life. I decided today that, I was going to no longer focus on earthly love to fill my heart but open my heart to the love of Christ. I am hoping that this blog will help me grow stronger in my walk with God. Though, I am ready to face obstacles that the devil may throw at me, I am a little anxious. But, I know with God I can do all things.